This year.

I have no idea of what this picture is, but it symbolizes what I feel for the new year. Actually, that isn't true at all. This picture seems very organized and looks like it is a plan of some sort.  I have a lot of random notes here and there that need a starting point and an ending point.  I think this pic is actually from one of Tye's work meetings. SERIOUSLY. If I went to work and we brainstormed, it would not look like this. It would be much messier in a lot of ways.

I don't have any updated photos because my computer is on the brink of crashing. I have about 20k photos on this thing that I have transferred onto a hard drive but I can't bring myself to delete them on this laptop. I might be a little crazy that way.  Anyhow, I can't download any photos or videos which is sad because I have about 5 photos to download.  It seems that Instagram is now my main source of sharing things that I think should be seen.  Which is also sad.

This past year was a GOOD one. One I will never forget. I got to reconnect with my oldest son, which was amazing in oh so many ways. I could write a book on that alone.  We've had the opportunity to have Oliver here a few times and hopefully a lot more to come. It is AMAZING how much my kids are all alike, how well they get along and how amazing it feels to have them all in the same room, laughing with each other.  I think it is the best feeling that can't be replaced by anything. I love having 6 kids. Oliver is coming to hang out this week so hopefully I will be able to post some pics of the kids soon :)

We bought a new house in September and it is a dream.  All of the kids have their own rooms/bathrooms and we have room to spare.  We are looking forward to the summer so that we can swim in the pool.  It is unfortunate that half of us are gingers because we shouldn't be in the sun, but hopefully sunscreen will protect us.  We really like our neighborhood and ward. It feels sort of like we are in a small town in this big city. We have been lucky to be where we are.

The big kids are all in high school now - we have one in each grade Fresh through Senior.  Chloe is in preschool and starts school this fall.  Yeeeessssss. Tye can't wait to experience elementary school.  I have forgotten what it's all about, but I'm sure it has something to do with Ipads nowadays. Trey has been applying to colleges so he can go this fall.  I am hoping he'll go somewhere close but I am afraid he is going far, far away (like California).  Our kids will start leaving one right after the other and it makes me feel uneasy.  Oliver will be our first missionary - as much as I can claim him to be my missionary.  I am glad we will experience that with/through him.  The girls only have a few years and they will be off.  I have this wish that they will all move into a condo somewhere in Tempe together, go to the singles ward and slowly finish school/find mates/get married/have kids in 10 years (in that order). I want the kids to all live close.  It's strange to think about this stage in life because it always seemed so far away but now it is right around the corner.  We could easily be grandparents within the next 5 years. CRAZY.

Hopefully soon we can get some pictures up here. And maybe I will remember what else happened this years so that I can catch it up.

C&J

Chloe & cousin Josefina 

We can't wait to see you again soon! 

xoxo

Life Complete.

A dream. That is how it felt.  To look up and see this grown boy. Seemingly a man.  There I sat in that long car ride to Naches. A little boy awaiting.
My sister and I drove from Seattle to Zillah in a short period of time.  I was giddy almost the entire trip. Giddiness soon turned to anxiousness. Anxiousness then turned into pure excitement, laced with fear.
What will I say? How will he receive me? We've e-mailed for months and spoken only once. Will we have a connection?
As soon as I saw N & T I knew that all would be okay.  They stepped out of the minivan looking just as I'd remembered.  Funny that when I met them I actually said that I wanted them to say "thank you" - and now the only words I could think of were (are) thank you.  Somehow, things have reversed.  I am on the receiving end of the gift.  I believe the trip took about 45 minutes but it could have been an eternity. I think it was an eternity. In that trip I thought about every feeling I've had over 18 years. Everything I've missed. Every fever, every game, every step, every concert, every sibling fight...I just stared out the window and tried not to get too emotional.  Luckily Bree was there to keep the conversation going -- about the rolling hills, the town, the everyday life...anything and everything but what we were doing there.  To meet my son. Her nephew. The first great great grandson. The first great grandson of my grandfather. The first grandson of my father. My first everything.
We pulled up. N turned around and asked how we should do this. I just sat still.  It was decided that N would go and get him.  It was a busy track meet - everyone must have known we were on our way. The weather was calm and clear. I was just in shock.
I see N run across the parking lot (fast!) and go down to find him.  The next thing I know, I see a young man walking across the parking lot.  He is taller than I expected.  I think I mumbled "oh my gosh...oh my gosh..." because this was real. He was real.

I struggled to open the van door.  He looked in to see me.  Love at first sight never really meant anything to me. Except for this day.  The look in his eyes, the smile on his face.  How many days had I waited to see it? Too many.  Nothing could have prepared me for this exact moment - looking into those huge brown eyes I could see everything.  I could see the girls especially.  I could see what I'd hoped to see most, which was happiness.  Not just to see me (although I had hoped and prayed he would be happy to see me!) but happy.
I finally climbed out and hugged that hug you never want to let go.

For years I wondered. I wished. I hoped. At this very moment, I felt peace.  What I didn't expect was to feel my soul connect with another.  This instant bond that is such a miracle.  The days that followed were nothing short of amazing. He has grown to be a spectacular young man.  He is a little piece of me that has been guided to greatness by his parents. How do you say thank you from either end of this situation? When I was on the giving end, it felt like the best choice - but I struggled with it for almost every day that followed. Some days were pure grief.  He was never far from my thoughts.  My heart broke in two that day that I said goodbye.  It is now healed completely.

N said that there are really no words. There are no words for any of the feelings we feel.  Sitting in church on Sunday, watching this young man bless the sacrament made every feeling I've ever felt worth it.  Worth the sacrifice because he would not be who he is or where he is today without his parents. Or without me. NO WORDS. No day will ever compare to this one. My baby. My boy.
Our boy. 

THIS is the best day.

This has always been my favorite day.  It is sometimes hard to remember all of the details. Luckily, I kept a detailed journal about the feelings of this day. It was the best day and the hardest day.

{Remember THIS? or THIS}

It has been 18 long years. I am so incredibly lucky to be a part of this journey.

love.love.love.

 April 20, 1994, 3:40 p.m.

Weight:  6 pounds, 15 ounces…19 ¾ inches long

 "I’m making the ultimate sacrifice.  He is my son.  He will always be – and I’m going to miss him.  A mother’s love is forever.  I just hope I can see him someday.  I love him, I really do.  I want him to grow up like I have – a mom, a dad, a real family, to be sealed to them. I just want the best for him.  This is the best for him, even if it is the hardest for me." 

~ me, April 20, 1994

Tye's Germany

Tye had to go to Germany for work and I had to stay home. Boo.  Here are some pics from his trip. 

NEXT TIME I SHALL GO WITH. 

 He sent me the picture below and said that they had these in town and people would let their kids sit on them and then pull them around.  All I saw was the lady's H&M bag and I was like "they have real stores over there? Awesome!" 

This one is my{favorite}

Spring Break in the David

We came down to the David on Wednesday night...Thursday morning we got to go to the zoo in Tucson. Yesss.

Grandma told Chloe we'd go to the school so she could spend some time on her Barbie bike.  Check out the focus here.  She has to push SO hard to get the peddles to work. It's pretty cute.

Sometimes people get in your way. 

The girls took the opportunity to play a little volleyball in the shade. The weather was beautiful - which makes today crazy because it's like 50 degrees and tomorrow it's supposed to snow. CRAZY. None of my pics turned out because it was so dark, but you get it.  Almost every time they played volleyball it ended in a fight ("Mom, Hayley called me an Oompa Loompa - she said my self tanner makes me orange") But they got along for the most part and I even got to play a little. (and now I'm sore. ugh)

I think Hface is so cute. I'm not sure what this look is, but she looks like Grandma to me. 

We got to spend St. Patty's day down in the David, so we did a little celebrating :) We took the girls to Gaslight Theatre in Tucson for the first time and we saw "The Two Amigos" - is was so fun and the girls loved it. 

St. Patty's day in the David: Green waffles, green mountain dew, green laundry :) 

I wish I was really this much taller than the girls, but I have like 4 inch heels on -- they are almost as tall as me! 

Hface peeking in. 

We had the best time in the David. The only thing missing was the rest of our family :( 

And of course...