I have written this letter in my mind approximately 8,000 times. That is the approximate number of times I passed the NICU “Graduation” board in the hallway during my baby's 103 day stay in C Pod (C-33). Hopefully that’s where this letter will end up, so that all others trapped, I mean being cared for, in the NICU can read and gather some sense of the gratitude I and my family feel for the doctors and nurses and others in the NICU family who cared for and ultimately saved my baby girl.
On October 9th, 2007 my daughter Chloe Noelle was born at 27.1 weeks gestation weighing 1 pound 13 ounces measuring 13 ¼ inches long. Chloe’s NICU stay seemed to be marked by holidays -- on Halloween she had PDA ligation surgery… around Thanksgiving she was critically ill with a staph infection and GBS infection, and on Christmas she was actually on the mend and got to have her first bottle on Christmas Eve. Chloe’s NICU stay was filled with blood gasses, blood cultures, blood transfusions (7) multiple infections (lots and lots), almost all types of ventilation (the JET being her least favorite), surgery, visits from the ID guys (now that’s a nice group of docs), vanco, gent, amphoterrible, etc. etc. etc. Chloe endured countless Ivs, tons of needle pokes for various other reasons, lumbar puncture(s), 2 PICC lines, swelling in her head and trunk which made her unrecognizable (thanks to the leaking capillaries), xrays, scans of all kinds, Chloe was intubated several times and made it off the ventilator after 65 LONG days (on the first attempt!). After 10 days of Cpap she decided she was done with the glazed donut mouth look and made it to nasal prongs on day 74. Chloe’s 2nd PICC line came out on day 73.…After so many days on TPN and being NPO, Chloe’s liver didn’t want to work and she turned a lovely shade of yellow-green and got to participate in a hida scan.
It’s hard to explain the feeling of having a baby but not being able to comfort and hold your baby. It’s hard to look at your baby through the plastic Giraffe bed and not being able to hold her until she’s 2 weeks old. And when you do finally get to hold her, she’s on the JET vent and the nurses are cracking jokes about you being so nervous to hold your 1 pound 15 ounce baby that you can’t bend your arms… It’s all so hard and you feel like you’re the only one going through it. But the NICU is full of mothers just like you.
To describe the NICU as being a “rollercoaster” is a lie. A rollercoaster is fun. A rollercoaster is controlled by some guy at the bottom that can turn it off and on at will. You choose to get on a rollercoaster. No one would ever choose to have their baby in the NICU - but you’re thrown into it and you have to deal with it. Luckily there are people there who specialize in helping you make it through. Somehow Banner Desert employs the most wonderful nurses in the US. It’s true. In the beginning of Chloe’s stay, I would get emotional about everything. There was always a nurse close by who would offer some comfort. Chloe had the most amazing primary nurses this NICU has to offer. I was often unable to hold Chloe due to her being so ill, so there were days that I would sit for hours by her bedside and talk to her nurses. They are angels and we owe them our sanity and of course, a lifetime of thanks for caring for our baby. (*Since we got to stay in C-pod for the entire 103 days, we are thankful especially to the cell block C nurses.*)
Thank you to the Neonatologists - (PPA especially - Dr. Patel, Dr. Bez, Dr. Wang, Dr. Martin, Dr. de la Cruz) for caring for Chloe. There were days that I’m sure I wasn’t easy to deal with and you were always so kind and spent a lot of time talking with me, answering my questions, and making sure I was in the loop. We were in good hands. Actually not just good hands, I'm confident we could not have gotten such professional, warm, personal, and loving care anywhere else.
Chloe finally got sprung after 103 days in the NICU -- on January 19, 2008, weighing 6 pounds, 2 ounces. There were many times that we thought this day would never come. Chloe is now 7 months old (4 months adjusted) and weighs 13 pounds! She has been weaned off of her oxygen and we no longer need an apnea monitor. She didn’t suffer from any IVHs nor does she have ROP. We are so blessed. 
How do you say ‘thank you’ to those who saved your baby? There is no possible way we could express our feelings of gratitude to everyone who cared for Chloe. We hope that you know you are loved and will forever be in our thoughts and memories of Chloe’s extraordinary beginning.
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